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Holding
on to Teshuva
Rabbi Eliezer Kwass
Print Version
Every Tammuz we read about the Parah Adumah (red
heifer) in Parshat Chukat closely preceding the
Seventeenth of Tammuz. Perhaps this is an example
of the "cure preceding the disease", for, according
to Rav Aibo in the Midrash, the Parah Adumah is
the atonement for the sin of the Golden Calf (that
brought about the breaking of the tablets on the
Seventeenth of Tammuz). Rav Aibo (Bamidbar Rabbah
19:8) illustrates the connection with a parable.
"The baby of one of the court maidservants dirties
the floor of the palace. Says the king, 'Let the
mother come and clean up her child's filth.' Similarly,
the Parah Adumah (the mother) atones for (cleans
up the filth of) the Golden Calf (the child)."
The obvious apparent problem with this Midrash (as
the Alsheich and others points out) is that the
Torah explicitly tells us that the Parah Adumah's
purpose is to purify one who has become impure through
contact with the dead (tamei meit). The Midrash,
explains the Alsheich, must be based on the following
steps:
1. The sin of the Tree of Knowledge brought death
into the world.
2. Israel finally rose above death when they received
the Torah at Sinai, but the sin of the Golden Calf
brought it back.
3. Purification for impurity through contact with
the dead (tumat meit) is therefore identical with
atonement for the Golden Calf.
In short, the sin of the Golden Calf is like the
sin of the Tree of Knowledge.
At first glance, this comparison seems tenuous.
Israel dancing around the Golden Calf seems to be
so different from Adam and Chava succumbing to the
snake's temptation. What is the similarity the Sages
build on?
It is not so much the sins, but the sinners who
were similar. Both sins were committed by the perfect,
pure, and innocent. Adam and Chava were newly created
perfect beings, and the people of Israel at Sinai
had reached the level of Man before the sin. Rashi
(Bamidbar 19:22), quoting Rabbi Moshe the Darshan,
explains why the Parah Adumah had to be "completely
and perfectly red" (temima). "Israel were complete
and perfect and became flawed (baalei mumin). Let
this come and atone for them so they can return
to their perfection." The loss of innocence is particularly
tragic; the first sin - whatever it may be - alters
the person's identity from that of a pure tzaddik
to that of a sinner.
The comparison is very striking. Whereas Adam and
Chava were created pure and perfect; just ninety
days earlier the people of Israel were, our tradition
teaches us, on the forty-ninth level of impurity.
Still, because the Torah considers the true penitent
equal to, and even higher than the tzaddik, Israel
were equal to Adam and Chava before the sin. The
tragedy of the sin of the Calf was that after doing
such a thorough and amazing teshuva, the Jewish
people did not hold on to it.
We commemorate this tragedy by fasting on the Seventeenth
of Tammuz over the broken tablets, the symbol of
our destroyed perfection. Perhaps the special message
of the Seventeenth of Tammuz is, "We must hold on
to our Teshuva." We must protect our (and our childrens')
innocence, purity and newfound perfection, not break
our tablets. Doing Teshuva and holding on to Teshuva
can be quite different challenges. The path to Teshuva
is often a difficult one, but has a romantic side
to it. It involves exciting transformations and
dramatic life changes. Holding on to Teshuva can
be less exciting and demand a different set of skills.
Creating a lasting life of avodat Hashem that will
not break down in moments of weakness necessitates
developing ingrained good habits, setting down roots
in a Torah community, learning with devotion, and
working hard on our inner lives.
But what if one does not hold on to Teshuva? What
if one breaks a commitment, falls back into problematic
habits, or lapses into old behavior patterns? What
if the tragedy of the Golden Calf occurs? The Parah
Adumah teaches us that purity and innocence can
be regained. The Parah Adumah atones for the Golden
Calf. But it is a process that demands humility
(Rashi - one who was high like a cedar must lower
himself like a hyssop) and total restructuring (Rashi
- just as the Golden Calf was totally burned so
is the Parah Adumah). We hope, of course, to never
have a need to regain our purity and innocence.
That, however, requires learning how to hold on
to teshuva and working hard at doing it, not making
the mistake of Israel with the Golden Calf and Adam
and Chava with the Tree of Knowledge. We are told,
though, never to despair, for there is always a
Parah Adumah. |
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