An alumnus asks...
"While being one of the most important and exciting decisions facing new parents, naming a child can also be a difficult challenge due to the wide (and often confusing) range of accepted minhagim. Some clarification would be most welcome..." The alumnus goes on to list many specific questions, most of which will now be answered.

Rabbi Zeff directed us to a sefer by Rabbi Shlomo Cohen, Yevarech Es Haneorim, which discusses the "Customs Governing the Naming of a Child." What follows is all quoted from that Sefer. Rabbi Cohen sites exact halakhic sources for each statement which will not be quoted here. If you'd like the halakhic source for any statement, feel free to ask us. And we quote...

A person's name is extremely important. Chazal imply that a person's entire character may be known from his name. It is known that a father names his children through ruach hakodesh. Furthermore, we are taught that a person's neshama actually enters the body when he/she is named. There are few actual halakhot regarding names. However, the customs of many generations have the force of the law as we learn, "Minhag Yisrael Torah hi" - a Jewish custom is as the Torah itself.

A) The choice of a child's name is solely a parental prerogative.

B) The only real restriction in naming a child is that of Shalom Bayit. any conflict over the name is a danger to the child. It is, therefore, better to compromise with one's spouse than take this risk. Should any conflict, chas v'shalom arise, a competent rav must be consulted.

C) It is obvious from the Torah that the avot followed the custom of the father naming the first child, the mother choosing the name of the second, the father the third, and so forth. Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l says that, in fact, our custom is that the mother names the first son, the father the second son and so forth. This seems to be the prevalent custom; however, one should follow the custom of one's family and, of course, avoid conflict at all costs.

D) A similar argument occurs over the privilege of naming the first daughter. Some maintain the father's right and some the mother's, with both taking turns for subsequent daughters.

E) There is one criterion that may supersede the mother's privilege of naming the first child and that is the Kavod due her husband's father.

This leaves us with 4 possibilities:
1. If both grandfathers are living, the choice of name is the mother's.
2. If his father is living and hers has passed away, the choice of name is the mother's.
3. If her father is living and his has passed away, the choice is the father's.
4. If both fathers have passed away, the child may be named for both, with the paternal grandfather's name coming first since honor due his father takes precedence over honor due her father.

Rav Stern discusses this issue and concludes that the child may be named after both grandparents. However, the father's father's name must be first and the child should be called by the first name or both, not just the second.

F) Apropos the custom of giving two names to a child, it is interesting to note that the Nodeh B'Yehuda says that people with two names are not found anywhere in Tanach, Mishna or Gemara.

It appears that by naming after two different people the mazal of both names is changed. The child thus has an entirely new name bearing no relation to those he/she is being named for. This is so to the extent that if either parent has two names they may name their own child with one of those names. For instance, if the father's name is Chaim Yaakov, he may name his son either Chaim or Yaakov. This should be so only if the father is called by both his names.

G) Anyone with two names should use both names. This is particularly so if he is named after two people. If only one name is used, it is as if the second name is simply forgotten.

H) Rav Braun quotes a Yam Shel Shlomo in which a conflict over the choice of names is reconciled by giving the Hebrew name from one side of the family and the secular (Yiddish or English) name from the other side. The same Yam Shel Shlomo comments that every secular name has a Kodesh counterpart. Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l finds no intrinsic prohibition in giving an English name. Many Gedolim, particularly among the Arabs and Spaniards, were known by Arabic or Spanish names.

I) Ashkenazim do not name their children after a living parent or grandparent, whereas Sephardim do. Among Sephardim it is considered a great honor and a Segula for long life. Everyone agrees that a child may not be given the same name as his father or mother. A child is forbidden to address a parent by name, so the siblings could not use the child's name, had he the same name as the parent, without degrading the parent's honor. It would seem that, even among the Askenazim, a parent may name a child after the same person for who their brother or sister are named. Although not required, it would be tactful to inquire beforehand to avoid insulting anybody.

If both the paternal and maternal grandfathers have the same name and one has passed away, the child may not be named for the deceased if the other grandfather would be insulted. If the deceased had a nickname, the child may be called by the nickname until after the other grandfather passes away, at which time the child may use the original name. Similarly, the name can be changed somewhat (e.g. Avraham can be called Avram) or a second name can be added to the first.

J) There is a custom to name a son after a Tzaddik or Talmid Chacham even during their lifetime.

K) A person's name has many significant hidden meanings and Chazal tell us that a name can affect his or her mazal for better or worse throughout life.

L) The prevalent custom is not to mention the name to anyone prior to the time that the child is actually named. Should a question arise, the name may have to be mentioned to a Rav.