Anxiety producing thoughts can be readily identified
by the "What if . . .?" ("What
if this horrible fighting continues?")
or "What's going to be . . . ?"
"(What's going to be with these kids?")
element in them.
Avoiding Anxiety
A simple way to avoid anxiety is by assessing
the possibility of our fears actually
being realized. Often we're highly exaggerating
that possibility. For example, the mother
of the girl who didn't do her homework
might ask herself how likely it is that
the girl will get a failing mark.
But that won't work if we believe there's a
good chance that things may really work
out badly. In that case, we go for the
"elegant" solution. Rather than
convincing ourselves that the feared outcome
is unlikely to occur, we face that eventuality.
We imagine the worst happening and recognize
than even if it did, it wouldn't be so
very horrible, and we'd be able to cope.
Thus the mother in our example can keep
herself calm by picturing her daughter
actually getting a failing grade, and
refraining from viewing that as a catastrophe.
Of course,
the "elegant solution" is easy
to apply in a relatively trivial matter,
such as the possibility of getting a failing
grade. But it might not be so simple for
the mother who is anxious about her children
developing bad midos. Here, as in all
truly serious matters, the following way
of viewing things is recommended: "I
will do the best I can to make things
work out well. But whatever the outcome,
I will remind myself that I am in Hashem's
hands, place my trust in Him, and make
peace with whatever He decrees as my fate.
There are
some people who believe that they must
be anxious in order to propel themselves
into taking action.Another common notion
is that by being anxious, we show that
we're concerned--that we care--that it
matters very much to us. Both of these
are wrong. Anxiety is simply a waste of
valuable energy. Appropriate concern is
all that is called for. It will convey
caring, as well as propel ourselves into
taking action.
